Billionaires Gone Wild: The Trump & Musk Joint Interview No One Asked For
The Set-Up: Where Ego Meets Algorithm
Picture this: a dimly lit stage, an American flag, a Tesla Cybertruck in the background (with a shattered window, naturally), and two men whose combined wealth could solve global hunger but instead fund questionable social media ventures. Donald Trump and Elon Musk sit across from an interviewer who clearly regrets their career choices.
One ran the government like Twitter. The other runs Twitter like a government. Both are proof that billionaires should never be left unsupervised—history has shown that when the ultra-rich go unchecked, we end up with feudal lords, monopolized industries, and the occasional eccentric emperor deciding he’s also a deity.
Host’s Opening Question: “How Would You Fix America?”
Trump: “We’re going to fix America so good, folks. You won’t believe it. When I was president, America was the best. Now? Not so much.” We had the best deals, the best walls, and the best words. But now, we have very bad people ruining everything. Just terrible. Believe me.”
Musk: “I think America needs to be optimized. Like, what if we just… bought America and turned it into America 2.0? Fully decentralized. Blockchain-powered government. No senators, only verified accounts.”
Trump: “And I would be verified, because let me tell you, I was the most verified president. Everybody wanted my verification. Big, strong verification.”
On Leadership: Dictatorship or Subscription Service?
- Trump ran America like a Twitter feed – impulsively, filled with all-caps rants, and constantly shadowbanned by reality.
- Musk runs Twitter like a government – reckless policy changes, the promise of democracy (polls, obviously), and mandatory $8 tributes to the crown.
Twitter Blue = Democracy?
Musk: “I believe in free speech, but only if you pay for it. Otherwise, who even are you?”
Trump: “That’s how voting should work! Pay-to-play. Some people vote too much. Let’s be honest, only some votes matter.”
“What Would You Change About Each Other?”
Trump: “Elon is great, I like Elon, very smart, very stable genius. But he needs to learn loyalty. I told him I made Tesla great, I made Twitter great. And what does he do? He goes and hires Ron DeSanctimonious for tech policy! What a joke. Sad.”
Musk: “Trump has a great energy, a very memeable presence. But what if we uploaded his consciousness to a Tesla AI model? We could call it TRUMPGPT. He could tweet 24/7 without sleep. Huge efficiency gains.”
Trump: “I already do that.”
On Handling Crisis: Firing Squads & Flipping Polls
When asked how they handle a crisis, the answers were expectedly… chaotic.
Trump: “You fire people. That’s it. You tell them ‘you’re fired.’ Problem solved. I fired Comey, I fired Fauci—”
Musk: “Firing people is essential. I fired 80% of Twitter’s workforce and the site is… still there. Actually, sometimes it’s not. But that’s just part of the vibe.”
Trump: “That’s exactly how I handled COVID. Sometimes it was there, sometimes it wasn’t. But I fixed it. Nobody gives me credit.”
The Elon & Trump Policy Breakdown
| Issue | Trump’s Approach | Musk’s Approach |
|---|---|---|
| Economy | “Tax cuts for the best people.” | “Make Dogecoin the national currency.” |
| Healthcare | “Only winners get healthcare.” | “Neuralink chips for all.” |
| Immigration | “A beautiful wall. Gorgeous.” | “Mars colony application process.” |
| Media | “Fake news! Unless it’s about me.” | “Twitter is the only news source now.” |
| Climate Change | “It’s a hoax. Cold today, warm tomorrow.” | “We should buy the climate.” |
Disclaimer: Both approaches are guaranteed to lead to dystopian futures—one fueled by unchecked corporate rule, the other by chaotic authoritarianism. Either way, stock up on canned goods.
Final Thoughts: Should Billionaires Be Supervised?
- Both believe in their own infallibility.
- Both treat democracy like an optional premium feature.
- Both need a babysitter.
The interviewer, now visibly exhausted, wraps up with one last question: “If you had to switch jobs for a day, what would you do?”
Trump: “I’d run Twitter better than anybody, let me tell you. Tremendous engagement. Every tweet, gold. We’d bring back the classics—Hannity, OANN, me. Twitter would be winning so much you’d get tired of winning.”
Musk: “I’d be president for a day and immediately sign an executive order making me president forever. But also, free Tesla Supercharging for all.”
America, be afraid. Be very afraid. And stay tuned for their next project: TrumpX—where every citizen gets a blue checkmark, and reality itself is subscription-based.
