Elon Musk Wants to Cut Government Costs—Democracy Is Just Too Pricey

In his latest attempt to reinvent things that already exist, Elon Musk has decided that democracy is simply too expensive to maintain. And honestly, he’s got a point—have you seen the price tag? Free speech, public services, functioning institutions—it all adds up. Maybe if the Constitution had a Black Friday sale, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation.

And so, in the name of efficiency, Musk is here to optimize democracy—because if there’s anyone who should be in charge of public policy, it’s a guy who can’t even make Teslas stop spontaneously combusting.

Muskonomics: Running a Government Like a Startup

Musk, whose companies survive on government subsidies while he complains about government spending, believes there’s just too much waste in democracy. His cost-cutting solutions include:

• Firing unnecessary employees (Congress—do we really need both parties?)
• Rebranding elections as pay-to-play (If Twitter can charge for blue checks, why not charge for voting?)
• Moving the U.S. government to X (All policy decisions will now be made via engagement polls, best ratio wins.)

Freedom, But Make It Profitable

To really streamline democracy, Musk suggests turning public institutions into private ventures—because that’s worked so well for healthcare and housing. Upcoming initiatives include:

• Tesla Courts™: AI-powered judges. Appeals available via premium subscription.
• X-Voting: Election results determined by who can afford the most bots.
• SpaceX Congress: Relocating lawmakers to Mars, where they can do even less than they do now.

And if you don’t like these changes? Too bad—democracy now operates under Tesla’s return policy: No refunds, no complaints, and if it breaks, that’s your problem.

The Future of Government: A Musk-ocracy

At the end of the day, Musk’s plan is simple: Government should run like a business—which means cutting costs, maximizing profits, and ignoring literally everything that doesn’t benefit shareholders (a.k.a. billionaires).

And sure, maybe democracy is expensive. But the alternative? Letting tech bros run the country like it’s a failing social media platform.

Then again, at this rate, democracy might not even pass Elon’s credit check.