The Great American Permit Scheme: A Billionaire’s Guide to Pretending to Care

Welcome to America’s Most Profitable Ponzi Scheme

Ah, the United States government: the world’s most exclusive permit-issuing corporation. Want to drive? Get a permit. Want to build a house? Permit. Want to sell homemade lemonade? Well, that’ll require at least three different permits, a business license, and an inspection by an official in a crumpled suit who has never once smiled in his life. But the biggest permit of them all? The permit to live past 65 without eating cat food—otherwise known as Social Security.

And who’s blowing the whistle on this sham? None other than Tesla Man himself, Elon Musk. Yes, the man whose entire fortune is a government-subsidized science experiment is here to tell you that Social Security is the real grift.

Muskonomics 101: How to Make Trillions and Still Complain

Elon, with his characteristic “just-asking-questions” energy, recently laid out the shocking reality:

People are living longer.
Fewer babies are being born.
The government promised future money but currently doesn’t have it.
If we just let billionaires hoard more wealth, everything will magically fix itself.

Look, Elon has a point—if you squint hard enough while staring directly into a solar flare. Social Security is indeed a pay-as-you-go system, meaning today’s workers fund today’s retirees. But when it comes to sustainability, maybe, just maybe, we shouldn’t be taking economic advice from a guy whose business model includes launching cars into space for fun.

The Billionaire Panic Attack: But What If We Had to Pay More?

The most terrifying nightmare keeping America’s billionaires awake at night isn’t a stock market crash, or even the rise of artificial intelligence—it’s the idea of paying slightly more in taxes.

Bernie Sanders, known socialist and grandfather to the nation, had a simple response to Musk:

“Wrong, Elon. Social Security has paid every benefit owed to every eligible American for 86 years. We can make it solvent for the next 75 years and expand benefits by scrapping the cap that allows billionaires like you to pay the same amount into Social Security as a truck driver.”

You see, right now, whether you make $160,000 a year or $160 million, you contribute the exact same amount to Social Security. That’s because there’s a cap on taxable income for Social Security contributions. Billionaires don’t want to talk about it because if that cap were lifted, their taxes would increase marginally. And if there’s one thing we know about billionaires, it’s that “marginal” changes to their wealth are apparently life-threatening.

The Real Government Efficiency Plan: Cut Everything Except Corporate Welfare

Let’s be clear: this isn’t about “government efficiency.” If Elon and his billionaire BFFs really cared about cutting waste, they’d start with their own government handouts:

SpaceX: $40 billion in government contracts.
Tesla: Billions in tax breaks, subsidies, and bailouts.
The Boring Company: A Vegas tunnel no one asked for.

Instead, the first thing these “efficiency experts” go after? The Social Security Administration, an agency whose sole purpose is to make sure that people don’t starve to death in their old age. Then, they take aim at Medicaid, Medicare, the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, and even the FAA because, I guess, safe air travel is overrated.

The GOP Playbook: The Less You Know, The Better

Republicans have been salivating over cutting Social Security for decades. But for a long time, they had to pretend they weren’t. Now? They’re saying the quiet part out loud:

Mike Johnson: “Social Security is going belly up, we need long-term reforms.”
Donald Trump (when he forgets he’s on camera): “At some point, entitlements will be on the table.”
Republican budget proposal: Largest cut to Medicaid in history.

Of course, when pressed, they insist that they won’t be the ones to take away your benefits—oh no, that’s just what will have to happen because “math.” But remember, they’re the same people who:

Blew a $2 trillion hole in the budget with tax cuts for the wealthy.
Keep signing off on corporate subsidies like it’s Christmas every day.
Suddenly find their inner-accountant mode only when discussing programs that help regular people.

The “Too Unpopular to Happen” Fallacy

Some people reassure themselves by saying, “Well, they can’t cut Social Security—it’s too unpopular.” Ah yes, because this administration cares about popularity.

They passed a budget that slashed Medicaid despite 71% of Trump voters opposing it.
They spent their first months in office gutting consumer protections, healthcare, and food assistance for children.
Their economic plan is so bad that even corporate news networks have to strain to make it sound good.

The lesson? Just because something is “too unpopular” doesn’t mean they won’t try.

How Do We Fight Back?

Call out the lies – Every time someone claims Social Security is “going bankrupt,” remind them that lifting the payroll tax cap would instantly fix the problem.
Show up – Protest, attend town halls, and make your voice heard. Republican reps hate getting booed on camera.
Vote like your grandma’s groceries depend on it – Because they do.
Don’t let billionaires gaslight you – Elon Musk and his billionaire pals aren’t trying to “fix” Social Security. They’re trying to make sure they never have to contribute another cent to it.

Whose Side Are You On?

This is not a debate between “government waste” and “fiscal responsibility.” This is a battle between those who want billionaires to keep getting richer and those who believe retirees should be able to afford rent and groceries at the same time.

And if there’s one thing Elon Musk has proven time and time again, it’s that he does not want to fund your grandma’s retirement—he’d much rather launch another vanity rocket into orbit.

So, the question is: Who should have the final say? Billionaires who already have more money than they could spend in a hundred lifetimes? Or the rest of us, who just want to retire without working until we physically can’t anymore?

Seems like a pretty easy choice to me.