Truck Nutz Justice: Two Good Ol’ Boys, One Lifted F-150, and a Whole Lotta ‘Murica

Leaked Script from the Upcoming Hit Show—Read Before the Deep State Deletes It!

Opening Scene: The Call to Action

The year is 2025, and America is on the brink of collapse. Gas prices have reached an unspeakable $3.25 a gallon. A local Cracker Barrel hires a vegan. Somewhere, a library remains open past 5 PM.

Enter: Ronnie “Meatball” D and Ted “Zodiac Cancun” Cruz, two self-appointed lawmen on a mission to restore justice—or at least, their version of it. Decked out in matching Oakleys, cargo shorts, and tactical Crocs, they patrol the highways of freedom in their lifted Ford F-150, which features:

• A Punisher decal (symbolizing their unwavering commitment to misunderstanding comic books)
• A “Don’t Tread on Me” flag (ironically blocking their entire rear windshield)
• An exhaust system loud enough to trigger PTSD in squirrels

Tonight’s mission? Bust an underground oat milk ring suspected of distributing soy-based sedition to local coffee shops.

The Villains: The Woke Mind Virus Strikes Again

The leader of the vegan milk cartel is none other than their sworn enemy—Lady Habeas Corpus, a drag queen-slash-civil rights lawyer who knows actual laws (a major threat). She operates out of a queer-owned coffee shop called “The Equity Bean,” where customers sip non-binary lattes and read forbidden texts like The Lorax.

Ronnie slams his fist on the dashboard. “We got a 10-4 on some soy-based subversion, Ted. We gotta move.”

Ted, gripping the steering wheel with the energy of a man who has never been hugged, nods gravely. “Time to stand our ground.”

But just as they prepare to raid the café, disaster strikes.

The Great Escape: AOC in a Tesla vs. a Lifted F-150

Lady Habeas Corpus jumps into her getaway car—a fully electric Tesla with a bumper sticker that reads “I ❤️ Universal Healthcare.”

Ronnie slams the gas pedal. The F-150 roars to life, burning through three gallons of diesel just to roll forward.

Ted, furiously live-tweeting from the passenger seat, posts:
BREAKING: “ANTIFA is attempting to flee in an electric vehicle! This is what communism looks like!!”

The Tesla, unfortunately, is both faster and immune to “rolling coal.” Within seconds, Lady Habeas Corpus is half a mile ahead, laughing in regenerative braking.

Ronnie’s veins bulge. “Damn it, Ted! Do something!”

Ted, thinking fast, grabs his phone and fires off a desperate text to Elon Musk:
@elon, can you remote-hack this woke-ass Tesla? Need to stop a criminal!!

Elon replies immediately:
“For $8, yes.”

Ronnie Venmos $8 from Florida’s education budget, and the Tesla immediately shuts down.

The boys high-five over a bald eagle screech as they roll up to make the arrest.

Justice, Served with Extra Truck Nutz

Ronnie and Ted drag Lady Habeas Corpus out of the driver’s seat, cuffing her with a pair of fuzzy MAGA handcuffs.

“Anything you say can and will be ignored by Fox News,” Ronnie growls.

Lady Habeas Corpus smirks. “You do realize oat milk isn’t illegal, right?”

Ted’s Wi-Fi cuts out before he can Google it. Ronnie starts sweating. The situation is tense.

Suddenly, sirens wail—but not from their truck. It’s the FBI.

Ted gasps. “Wait… we support the police, right?”

Ronnie gulps. “Except when they’re arresting people we like…”

The FBI swarms in, surrounding the F-150. Over a megaphone, an agent announces: “Ronald DeSantis and Rafael ‘Ted’ Cruz, you are under arrest for impersonating law enforcement.”

The Punisher decal peels off the truck in shame.

Where Are They Now? (Season 2 Teasers)

• Ronnie “Meatball” D is serving time in a Florida prison, where his only meal option is vegan. He has launched a hunger strike against tofu.
• Ted “Zodiac Cancun” Cruz flees to Mexico once again, but this time Mexico refuses to take him back. He is last seen wandering a Texas Buc-ee’s, still trying to find a stance on January 6th.
• Lady Habeas Corpus becomes a Supreme Court justice, bringing back Drag Queen Story Hour but exclusively for constitutional law.

Brought to You By…

OFFICIAL SPONSORS

• MyPillow Tactical – Because your brain needs the same support as Mike Lindell’s legal team.
• Cracker Barrel “Patriot Menu” – Now with Freedom Fries and Second Amendment Pancakes!
• Truck Nutz Justice Merch – Limited Edition Ted Cruz Escape Route GPS now available at Bass Pro Shops!

Coming Soon: More Spin-Offs You Didn’t Ask For

• January 6: The Reckoning – A docuseries where the boys accidentally prove all their friends were FBI informants.
• Stand Your Ground: The Musical – A Broadway-style production where Florida men sing about “law and order” while open-carrying at Applebee’s.
• Ronnie & Ted’s Constitutional Crisis – A children’s educational series where our heroes try to define “fascism” but get confused and blame Obama.

Final Verdict: A Must-Watch for Anyone Who Thinks The Fast & The Furious Needs More Flag Decals

Truck Nutz Justice isn’t just a show—it’s a way of life. It’s about freedom, horsepower, and believing in laws only when they benefit you.

Catch it exclusively on OAN+ and in Bass Pro Shops parking lots nationwide.